So as this week, on International Day of the Midwife, we march in London for the very existence of midwifery as we know it, here are my logical reasons, well-rehearsed over 10 years for NOT becoming a midwife:

1. The intolerable pressure and realities of the NHS (system, resources, hours etc) You know the drill. Heard it all before.
2. Being able to have more influence on maternity services from the outside as an advocate and doula, than on the inside. This one has been a particularly powerful narrative.

Add to this my longer list of fears (and yes Andrew’s fears too..), starting, “If I became a midwife, what if…?”

…The NHS swallowed me whole and spat me out a conformist?
…I was to die of sadness and exhaustion battling a system from within?
…My children forgot who I was?

And What If..

…My age – i’m nearly 43 – my mildly renegade character and propensity to seek out freedom and the Big Picture rendered me useless or impossible to work with? (yes, you can hear the outrageous assumptions rattling around in my head)

Phew..better out than in. As my grandmother used to say.

Plus, I have no idea whether i could EVER be even handed enough to site a cannula.

All pretty compelling eh?

How curious then, that on Sunday 15th Jan this year, after a few weeks of gentle prompts in my spirit to “look again”, and a loud clang that evening at church to “Look now!”, I sat down at 10.35pm to peruse the Kingston Uni/St George’s website, only to discover that the deadline for 2017 was midnight. That very night. Yes, in 1 hr 25 mins.

Caught up by an overwhelming compulsion to defy the odds, I laughed inwardly and challenged God, “If you want me to do this, you’ll have to help me..”. At 11.35pm, 14 pages of UCAS form and a 29 minute personal statement later, I realised that a reference did indeed need to accompany the form, complete, before I could press the button.

Cue more “impossible without divine intervention” prayer, a cute “You’ll think I’m barmy, you’re probably asleep BUT…” text to our local consultant midwife, who immediately replied, “I’m breastfeeding, but I can multitask”. What a woman! What a God! Witness 11:53: button pressed. I was so overwhelmed by this improbable move, that I couldn’t sleep for two hours and didn’t tell my husband Andrew for two weeks… Two months to the day later, an interview and a call from the Uni to say they’d love to have me..

So what’s this all about? and where might it be heading? This is what I spoke out in preparation on the morning of my interview, squinting into the sun in Richmond park. BORE warning. Heartfelt, but interview prep none the less…

This is the high dream: that I might use ALL of who I am made to be – the woman, the voice, the mother, the coach – to bring refreshment and possibility to midwives who are losing hope. I am not one to hold back, as you know, from thinking deep and wide, believing anything is possible.

So this is an invitation, to come with me, with us as a family, on this journey. You can do that by

• keeping me accountable to remember the spirit of gratitude I started with. I’m grateful for those who have inspired me. For you, midwife Godmother Sarah; you too my very own midwife Frances. For you midwives I have worked alongside as a doula, who have poured out heart with a hefty dose of soul, and occupied your natural and rightful place of standing for ‘yes’ and ‘why on earth not?’ in a system which tends towards the opposite. Grateful also for you, my community of doula colleagues in the UK and back in the UAE, who have taught me so much about sacrifice and commitment, especially for you Sally-Anne my doula partner of 5 years. I’m grateful of course, as I take this new step, to you all 50 families I have had the joy of supporting over the last few years as a doula, as your babies arrived, and as you emerged more fully as parents.

• Helping me remember my intention to enter this phase with humility, curiosity, and a freshness of mind. And help me recall my intention too to find pleasure and discovery amid the younger generation in my student cohort, some of whom may be barely 3 years older than Robin, our eldest.

How might you help me remember?
Stop me in the street. Write me a card. WhatsApp me with a wassup? Throw off the shackles of Britishness and be direct. Challenge me. Sign up for my Midlife Midwife musings at wildrubies.co.uk to stay in touch

And if you’re wondering if I’ll be coaching mothers anymore, then yes! I will have a limited number of spots for Bold Mothers Birthing Something Brilliant as they reimagine their work lives. Coaching for me is like a full immersion refreshing wild swim. I can’t NOT do it! I’ll also, where possible, be continuing to coach midwives and nurses deeper into their leadership and sense of purpose.

And what of doula births? I’ll be drawing a line under my doula years..for clarity’s sake, and sanity’s too!

I’d truly love to hear your comments. Write below or email me direct on kate@wildrubies.co.uk.

And feel free to tell me it’s a crazy idea…

Ok, I admit it, I am more than excited about Jess’ olympic heptathlon this week. Believe me, it’s not her six pack that stirs me to celebrate this mother of a 2 year old, admirable and curious though it is. And while i’m gunning for her to win gold, there is something far more precious she is celebrating by being in Rio and being herself: motherhood. In fact, while we cheer for her, she is celebrating us all as mothers…

5 Reasons to Celebrate:

1. She’s willing to admit publicly how hard it can be. She’s been ready to throw in the towel – confronting those oh-so-familiar feelings of guilt, being torn, not doing anything quite well enough. As she herself says, “you think to yourself ‘Can I do this?’ or ‘Do I want to do this?’”

2. She’s surrounded herself with people who really know her, and encourage her without too much pressure or comparison. Like her coach Toni Minichiello, whose stance all the way was that Jess wouldn’t know how she would feel after Reggie’s birth, and that her body would be changing every single month, so not to be so hard on herself.

“We had a lot of times where I said ah I’m rubbish – I can’t do it. I cant run like I used to, I cant hurdle like I used to and he’d just say to me, you know its going to take time, it’s not gonna happen straight away, just stop comparing yourself to who you were in 2012”

3. She now knows (even more clearly) it’s about quality not quantity
Sound familiar? Efficient use of sometimes very limited resources is our tagline as mothers. It’s not that catchy, but it’s what we do. Jess now does mornings on the track, spends the afternoon with Reggie and then trains in the evening at home on the bike or using weights
“I do less exercise now that I have Reggie, but it’s better quality. With less time to dedicate to sport, I needed to look at ways of making the absolute most of my time.”

4. Her perspective on the world has ‘softened’ even as those abs firmed up.
“I don’t get as stressed and caught up in training if things don’t go too well anymore,” Jess adds. “I don’t get too down about it because I’ve got so much else going on in my life.

5. She acknowledges the life-changing impact of her own mum’s support .
At the risk of sounding like a P&G advert, Jess has had a taste of the sacrifice (and delight) her mum has experienced over the years, trackside, bedside, soulside.

“I really don’t believe I would have been able to achieve any of my…medals without the support and strength of my mum throughout my life. My mum always just says ‘You can do it, it is going to be hard but if you have a hard journey to something, that’s not plain sailing, then the end point is always that much sweeter when you are successful.”

I’m hearing voices proclaiming that we must stop defining her as ‘new-ish’ mum Jess, and count her athletic merits solely for what they are, as if her body is somehow disconnected from her soul, mind and spirit. Tell you what, I’ll be celebrating anyone encountering and emerging from times of challenge and turbulence, unique or universal. That’s what’s missing from the discourse. The acknowledgement. The reality. “Like any mum who goes back to work, it’s two full-time jobs”. Yes indeed-dy.

Some of you are there right now. Caught in the tight space between two full time jobs. Juggling. Making it work – mostly. Some of you chose a different dance a while ago, mostly mothering, and as your children head to school next month, you’re wondering what’s next for you? That can be a tight space too. Knowing you have so much to contribute, but not sure exactly what or how. Find out at my Find the Work You Love linked workshops starting September in Kingston-upon-Thames. Oh, and ring your mum or a (m)other in you life to say thank you. As I cheer for Jess, I might just do that too.

I’d love to hear your views below on motherhood, and excellence and the ever present juggle…

I don’t know what the word ‘unconventional’ provokes in you? Perhaps a tiny lurch of fear? Or a barely distinguishable leap of delight?

Last night I bought some organic camellia oil for my teenager’s needy skin. My husband had asked me to get some of that alarming looking blue liquid from the supermarket that we used to apply day and night in the 1980s. My response was, ‘There is always another way’. And there is. As I find it, my heart leaps again – just a bit.

Ok, I admit I’m naturally suspicious about convention or habit – what people do ‘just because’; because we’re used to, or because we ought to. Don’t get me wrong, I love ritual – choosing to intentionally repeat an action. It’s the stuck-ness of convention that rags me. I see great people with great ideas frozen in inaction because they have always used a more formal style of writing; or feel that to look ‘professional’ they ought to keep their whole selves, passions and desires out of their work.

I chair a maternity committee at our local trust. We’ve been working at hustling ourselves out of convention and seeing what emerges from a new freedom.

So make the most of the rest of the blooming unconventional month of May (I May, I May not…all mixed up), and take three minutes now to name two things in your life you want to play with differently. Look for another way.

Here’s my 2 new ways in May list

• start hugging my husband when he comes in from work – even if he’s really sweaty (yes, we’ve got used to a cursory kiss, but there is another way..)
• hit publish on my imperfect and heartfelt blogs once a month. Without fail. Without fear of imperfection.

What might yours be? Share in the comments field below!

My coaching work is all about you discovering another way, getting unstuck and into action; being more of who you really are and less of what the world has ascribed to you.

If you’re looking for another way in your work life, a place where you get to live from your purpose and calling, sign up here to be front of queue for my extra special face to face September FIND THE WORK YOU LOVE workshop. And check out how these women and mothers have found their other way through coaching.

As the heat persists here in sunny England, and you take off layers of clothing, you’re more aware than usual of your birthedbabies body. The welcome breeze lifts your light shirt and reveals to the world a soft belly marked with lines. You probably relegated those bikinis to the back of the winter sock drawer some time ago. You’ve never cared much for showing off, but you do care about showing up fully as yourself – and you’re weary of the layer of unease around your body. Perhaps your children – or even your partner – have expressed surprise, revulsion, hilarity at the way you are shaped and marked. And the world’s media appears to mock you, where ‘springing back’, not ‘hanging out’ is all the rage. There may be something you can do about the shape, but not the marks. They are here to stay.

The great news is both shocking and counter cultural: our birthedbabies bodies are profoundly beautiful. They carry the carved-in marks of wisdom and experience. Maya Angelou discovered this as she travelled in Africa and stayed with a tribe who bathed communally. She said the women began to weep and console her and she didn’t know why. They thought she was childless because she had no stretch marks. In their society, marks are a badge of honour. They said that even if the baby died and she was kidnapped into a new village, if she passed away and could not speak for herself, the marks would tell her story and she would get the proper rites at her burial. Jade Beall knew this when she began A Beautiful Body Project, taking raw, honest and stunning photographs of birthedbabies bodies of all ages. It’s Jade’s work above.

Try this exercise for fun: show yourself your belly with its scars, lines and creases. Bonus: you get to slip down another piece of clothing! Trace your fingers over each line, one by one, acknowledging what it has brought or represents “ I have been stretched, I have grown and changed”, “you remind me that i am more than before”, “without you I would have a tight stomach, and an even tighter heart”, “ because of you, even my belly appears to smile.”

What can you celebrate right now?

If you’re feeling brazen, take out a marker pen and label your lines or make a statement and post them below. The school run with breeze may never be the same again…

When I am championing and challenging a mother through her wildrubies coaching programme, there is a quiet re-occupation going on. She is reoccupying the terrain of her life: reoccupying the dreams of work she once imagined, claiming the words and values that describe her and her contribution to the world. She is taking her rightful place. And she is in her body. We work in the body, with the body, from the body – to reconnect her to what makes her heart sing. She stands differently now, and I can see the transformation when she takes back the body she had distanced herself from.

How have you experienced your birthedbabies body? Or your partner’s? I’d love to hear your comments in ‘Over to You’

And join me for the start of your coaching journey to absolute clarity on the work that makes your heart sing: a free 30 minute ‘taster’ session. Booking now for September beginnings.

PS. If you liked this post, pass it on.

In the afterglow of world doula week and mothers’ day a question for you:

What’s it like to be held – as beautiful, strong and able? Just bask for a minute in what that feels like…For some of you it’s hard to remember. Perhaps your mind went straight to your mother, arms of complete conviction and belief in you, you’d like to think – or feel.

I’m a doula and a coach working with courageous women birthing babies and businesses with clarity and power. I’ve been blessed recently with eyes- open moments about my coaching and birth work jive. Humour me or dance with me now…

In coaching and in birth work I hold women as the wonders we are. Not some time in the future, with the right ‘outcome’, or goal accomplished, but here and now. Right here, in this moment, that flicker of voice, this tremor of soul. I name and champion the strength and learning I witness in them in the process itself. I challenge women to step into ever greater discovery of themselves as mothers and leaders.

Doulas/birth workers of the world – you get all that, it’s what you do too.

And it’s amazing.

And you know what? As a doula myself, I know how many of us struggle with the business and marketing side of our work. I also know how as birth workers we tend to undersell the work we do – even buying into the idea that scarcity/poverty marks out the worthiness of our calling. hmmm. Familiar? And funny? In a bittersweet kind of way…Sometimes our own families see this most clearly when they ask wistfully, “Tell me again, why is it you do what you do?…”

Yes, you’ve been adding to your portfolio of rich wisdom, your CV busting its seams, because you LOVE your work and go on learning, drinking it in. Yes Yes!

And it costs. You’ve experimented with ways to bring more work and weave together the threads of your business, and ended up deflated, wondering where to start – or stop. Most marketing ‘advice’ doesn’t work for you because it doesn sit well with your values, and doesn’t seem to resonate with the solo-preneur heart-work you are doing.

And it’s not ok that you’re playing small, because the work you do is amazing. Life giving. World changing.

Imagine having someone completely on your side, who holds you at your most creative and resourceful, with whom you begin to distinguish yourself clearly and declare what you uniquely bring. Imagine then communicating and embodying your ‘brand’ so powerfully and recognisably that you stand out with ease to your ideal clients (yes they exist!). And yes, within that lush tapesty of your work are those powerful movements for change you lead locally or wider in the birth/baby world, the issues you stand for, making you more visible, more attractive to your perfect people.

Oh, yes. We wouldn’t birth a baby without the continuous, loving, challenging, I-totally-trust-you-to-fly support of a doula, so why go through the peaks and troughs of business birthing without one?

You can imagine how much, as a doula and a coach myself, I long to free up birth workers to birth their work powerfully and with ease.

“Kate, Thanks for a great coaching session! I really feel as though I got clarity on how I want to present myself, made a break through on what sort of design I want for my website and found the confidence I need to take the next step” Erin, doula (London, UK)

Check out how coaching can help your business to fly at http://wildrubies.co.uk/work-with-me/wild-rubies-coaching/ and hop over to like our wild rubies community facebook page for inspiration and connections https://www.facebook.com/wildrubies

What is it like to be held as beautiful, strong and able? Who does this for you?.. Comments below..

With love and respect, Kate

It’s Monday, 2.35pm and I’ve had conversations with three mums in the last 18 hours about taking radical action with their lives and families this week. This following the ‘nice Christmas?’, ‘Yeah..(weak slightly wry smile, something hanging…but with determinedly positive tone)’ conversation. Recognise it?

I’ve loved the word radical since I was 17 years old, studying Martin Luther and the German reformation. Radix meaning ‘root’, the essence, what’s inherent and vital.

And maybe after the overwhelm of the Christmas season, as mothers we need more acutely to heed the call of the radical. Let’s face it, we’ve just lived out the tension between vision (peace, harmony, goodwill, community) and reality (you fill in the ‘family Christmas = ________ ‘ blank ).

Other continua on which we are strung out, feeling the yank in both directions:

           activity  – rest                   materialism – contentment               stuff – people

You feel it, I know you do. I do too. You feel the inexorable pull towards the ‘left’, whilst straining to resist the tide, to stand your ground. You’re amazing – it takes muscle and concentration right? So how to move towards what you you really want?

Read on for 5 ways to be the unexpected radical in your own life this week….

1. Set your intention; write it down in colour, on paper, as the week/season/year begins. One of my clients uses this as a regular Sunday evening practice to ‘structure’ her week towards what she most wants? What do you most want this week or year or even for the darker months ahead? What is your heart’s greatest urge? Is it to be closer to your daughter. If so, you will seek opportunities to connect and be in her world with her and sacrifice other activities/people in order to do that. If it’s to grow your business in a new direction, the very clarity of your intention will shed light on the connections you need. We will move in the direction we point our thoughts. We know that right? And yet how often do we actively choose?
2. Tell someone – your life partner, business partner of your intention and what action is already flowing from it. Ask them to help you by asking you what good choices you have made this week?
3. Paint it on the bathroom tiles, tattoo it up your inner arm and write it on your heart so you can check in with yourself.
4. Prune your life tree radically, so that what’s new can flourish. Get help thinking through what activity is really aligned with your calling (the shoots and buds with space and light around them) and what is not (the brambles). What can you commit into the capable hands of others? Even better, what is it that only you in your wildly precious uniqueness can do? As a recovering  “I can hold it better, so had better hold it all” type, I’m learning that somewhere I made it all up. Sweet freedom. January is the perfect time to do some pruning as it corresponds for most of us, metabolically at least, with a mini hibernation – keep warm, eat soup, focus on the core.
5. Seek out the company, now, of those with the same intention. Use online communities if you like that sort of thing. There are a gazillion people longing for exactly what you long for. Or feel the warm bodies and smiles of those who really ‘get’ you. Perhaps that means thoughtfully choosing what and who you’re saying ‘yes’ to this year.

For support in your intention-setting, pruning and making space and light in the right places, read about coaching perfectly designed for you. Radical, rooted, blooming change.

What or who are you saying ‘yes’ to this season? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the ‘over to you’ space below…

Kate x

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