As the heat persists here in sunny England, and you take off layers of clothing, you’re more aware than usual of your birthedbabies body. The welcome breeze lifts your light shirt and reveals to the world a soft belly marked with lines. You probably relegated those bikinis to the back of the winter sock drawer some time ago. You’ve never cared much for showing off, but you do care about showing up fully as yourself – and you’re weary of the layer of unease around your body. Perhaps your children – or even your partner – have expressed surprise, revulsion, hilarity at the way you are shaped and marked. And the world’s media appears to mock you, where ‘springing back’, not ‘hanging out’ is all the rage. There may be something you can do about the shape, but not the marks. They are here to stay.
The great news is both shocking and counter cultural: our birthedbabies bodies are profoundly beautiful. They carry the carved-in marks of wisdom and experience. Maya Angelou discovered this as she travelled in Africa and stayed with a tribe who bathed communally. She said the women began to weep and console her and she didn’t know why. They thought she was childless because she had no stretch marks. In their society, marks are a badge of honour. They said that even if the baby died and she was kidnapped into a new village, if she passed away and could not speak for herself, the marks would tell her story and she would get the proper rites at her burial. Jade Beall knew this when she began A Beautiful Body Project, taking raw, honest and stunning photographs of birthedbabies bodies of all ages. It’s Jade’s work above.
Try this exercise for fun: show yourself your belly with its scars, lines and creases. Bonus: you get to slip down another piece of clothing! Trace your fingers over each line, one by one, acknowledging what it has brought or represents “ I have been stretched, I have grown and changed”, “you remind me that i am more than before”, “without you I would have a tight stomach, and an even tighter heart”, “ because of you, even my belly appears to smile.”
What can you celebrate right now?
If you’re feeling brazen, take out a marker pen and label your lines or make a statement and post them below. The school run with breeze may never be the same again…
When I am championing and challenging a mother through her wildrubies coaching programme, there is a quiet re-occupation going on. She is reoccupying the terrain of her life: reoccupying the dreams of work she once imagined, claiming the words and values that describe her and her contribution to the world. She is taking her rightful place. And she is in her body. We work in the body, with the body, from the body – to reconnect her to what makes her heart sing. She stands differently now, and I can see the transformation when she takes back the body she had distanced herself from.
How have you experienced your birthedbabies body? Or your partner’s? I’d love to hear your comments in ‘Over to You’
And join me for the start of your coaching journey to absolute clarity on the work that makes your heart sing: a free 30 minute ‘taster’ session. Booking now for September beginnings.
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loved this post – you write so well. it is also a beautiful image at the top of the blog. I love the colour and the juiciness.
I am one of those women the African women would weep over and comfort – no birth marks or stretches on my belly because sadly I never had children. It would be lovely to be supported in this way and suddenly I looked at my soft, rather flabby but totally unmarked tummy with a new awareness that it shows my history too. I feel sad about this but it is ok too. Thanks for this moment of insight.
Kate
Thanks for your comment and your tenderness Kate. What a gift for all of us to acknowledge our histories…
Beautifully written Kate. Your writing really touched my heart. I completely agree. I have so much more respect for my body since having my children. I’m so proud of what it’s achieved. It’s not the same as it used to be but I love it for what it has helped create.